Good Damage: Justifying the Trauma, Does it All Happen for a Reason?

 

by: Rebecca Karenia

“All the damage I got isn't good damage.. it's just.. damage. I haven't got nothing out of it and all those years I was miserable was for nothing.”

The quote you see above was taken from Diane's monologue from the show Bojack Horseman. The character Diane Nguyen, a 40 year old aspiring writer, was contemplating whether she should continue writing her first book or stop altogether since it does not serve any purpose to all the hardships and trauma she went through. Sounds familiar? Let's dive deep into it!

Oftentimes you may find yourself thinking that the trauma you’ve gone through in the past, happens to you for a reason. It must’ve happened with a purpose, right? And so in order to serve this purpose, you forge strength and resilience to become someone different- someone who learned from their mistakes. Someone who knows better about the truth and harshness of the real world. You define your own suffering and give it a whole new meaning so that you don't have to accept the fact that it happened to you without a reason. That's good damage.

“What about those times I spent suffering? Those times I spend and force myself to endure so that I can benefit from the outcome.”

Why define yourself by the hardships you went through in the first place? It goes without saying that after being faced by difficult times, you would think that you’re more attuned to the true nature of the world.This odd sense of superiority will give you a different approach to other people who possibly have been through the same tough things as you. The cogwheels in your mind only work when you alienate yourself from other people because, let's be real, you’re the one who has gone through worse stuff, no? No. These are coping mechanisms and as devastating as it may sound, it would only lead you to a more desolate path.

When you continue your life thinking that you accepted the fact that it happened to you because life has its own way to teach you a lesson, naturally you would think it shaped you into a more mature person because the universe had brought these hardships upon you. But the truth is, your trauma will always intertwine itself with your life experience. You will eventually learn to live side by side with it, having to accept that it all happened solely because it happened. 

“So what was it all for? And what will be the right thing to do? What are the things that will serve me purpose?”

Your sadness, hardships and the suffering you went through doesn't have to serve you any purpose. Actively searching for its meaning would only deviate you from finding your own true happiness. Eventually, you will be able to learn to move past it and acknowledge the fact that it will always be there no matter what you do to it. Doing something that makes you happy and finding enjoyable things, is the only way that you could truly be content with your life.