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Finding the Freedom in Feeling Left Behind


by: Ilma Rosyidah


Everyone has their own timeline. But the feeling of being left behind becomes uncontrollable when everyone else seems to be reaching another stage in life while you still don’t know what to do. Feeling left behind in some ways can lead you to lose your freedom.   


The days go by so fast before you might even notice your New Year’s resolutions still showing no progress. At the same time, the idea of breaking the distance through technology makes you easily exposed to everybody’s life, even the ones you don't really know. You see beautiful pictures and various achievements that other people have. Then when you look in the mirror, you start to second guess your worth.

“Mirror mirror on the wall, I guess I am worse than everyone else because they are doing better in life,” you might hear. 


I think I was in yesterday

'Cause everybody walks too fast

-My Time, by Jungkook BTS-


Your friend is attending college while reality is holding you back to do the same. Your other friend is getting engaged while you are still struggling to calm the battle inside your head. People on the internet are taking fancy holidays while you are stuck in your 9-to-5 routine. Seems like everybody is moving forward, yet you are running in place and can’t catch up. It leads you to compare and induces a sense of insecurity and self-doubt. 

Feeling left behind is indeed not a novel issue. Many people experience the same thing. If you’ve ever felt so behind in life, love, or career, then misdoubt your value and life decision; you are not alone. Research from psychologist Leon Festinger showed that the tendency to compare oneself to others is caused by the intention to determine an individual’s social and personal worth. Through comparing, individuals gain the information to evaluate their identity and behavior. Comparisons could be beneficial, but on the other hand, could also evoke the feeling of dissatisfaction and other destructive behaviors. 

Now, the question is: how do you make it beneficial? The major problem is you tend to self-blame as you keep comparing yourself to those who you perceive as the 'better people'. Better family, financial condition, health, work status, and so on. 

The fact is you have no control over the things outside your mind, feelings, or actions. You can not hold back the accomplishments of others. It is definitely not within your control. Does it feel right to give the things outside your control to ruin your confidence? Your reaction toward everything is the only prerogative you can own and manage.

How to manage the feeling of being left behind in the midst of a fast-paced world?

1. Use your envy

Instead of using your energy to compare, spend it to connect with yourself. Take a deep breath and start to analyze the root of your feelings. For example, you are feeling jealous of your friend’s new car. Ask yourself the question, “Do I really want it too? Or it simply just seems fun to have?” Try to make it clear and honest. 


Then, if you still have no idea about your life goals, use the envy to your advantage. Pay attention to the pattern because you might feel envy towards something that you wish you had. Adopt those feelings as a clue about what you really want to achieve. Getting exposed to a lot of information and pictures on how people live, you have various examples to help you visualize your goals. You can take notes of the triggers that excite you. Is it people’s job, dedication, kindness, style, or vibe? You always have the freedom to turn your envy for good.


2. Accept yourself exactly as it is

The second way to respond to your negative feelings is just accepting yourself exactly as you are. Rather than focusing on your shortcomings, remind yourself of what you have accomplished, even the smallest things, new habits, or new perceptions that have made you better than you were five years ago. 


You can not stop the negative thoughts in a blink of an eye. You might have to deal with the noise inside your head saying that you have done nothing or you are not doing your best. The only thing you can do is answer the thought. Counter those negative thoughts with more comforting and encouraging thoughts. For example, you can tell yourself “maybe I failed yesterday, let’s give myself another chance today.” Again, you always have the freedom to defend yourself at all costs, even if the one that you have to fight is your own head. 

Put the freedom of choice in your hands and take control. This is definitely not an easy job. Even a nation took years or centuries to get its independence. So are you. You have months and years to be better. Remind yourself that you can be emotionally and mentally free to accept and improve yourself even in the most difficult time. 
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