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Self-Abandonment: A Toxic Behaviour You Need to Stop, Now!


by: Asti Hayan

Have you ever felt the need to say "yes" to everything and to always please others? Or do you easily fall under others' influence and cannot set your own boundaries? Sadly, many people fall into this pattern, and it is called self-abandonment. 


Self-abandonment means that you reject or suppress your own emotion and ignore part of yourself while overvaluing others' opinions. Self-abandonment is a very toxic behavior that sometimes we do unconsciously.  Some of the signs of self-abandonment are: 


1. People-pleasing

2. Irrational perfectionism

3. Feel small around others

4. Constant overthinking

5. Lack of boundaries

6. Conceal who you really are


When you do those things above, it means you have abandoned yourself. You might even shape-shift into someone you are not. It might feel easy at first, but when you do this continuously, you will exhaust yourself as you play a role that isn't yours. Self-abandonment is a learned behavior. Thus, with enough time and effort, you can drop this toxic trait and act in your own best interest. We know it's not easy, so here are 3 reasons why you need to stop abandoning yourself:


1. Your people will let you be your full self

Stop shrinking yourself just to meet others' standards. Those people who don't let you take up any space are not worth your energy. They're not your people, and you don't have to be friends with everyone.


2. Your boundaries are as important as your social life

Setting clear boundaries is good for you and the people around you. It gives you freedom and a sense of control over how you want to navigate your life. Clear boundaries will also boost your well-being. People around you will be aware of your limit and know what you are and aren’t okay with. The people who betray your boundaries are the ones you may not want in your life.


3. Losing yourself is far worse than losing people

It’s exhausting to always please others, especially when you need to be a stranger in your own skin. You might slowly lose who you really are and turn into someone you are not, and it is a far worse fate. You need to trust yourself, practice self-compassion, and be radical when it comes to self-love. It’s important to reconnect with your emotions and find what you really like and dislike.


“My healing isn’t a choice to abandon others, it’s a choice to no longer abandon myself” - Elizabeth Saymond

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